In order to bring something good into my life I am creating a void... a place for the new to come in to.
I feel such a calm and tranquil peace at my center.
Changing the pattern that a person ingrains into their life can be disconcerting, but this feels so right.
Spring air is blowing through my house, and through my life. It is nice to air out the stagnant corners of existence. Sweep out the cobwebs and shine the windows. Reprioritize the things that matter.
Something great is coming I can feel it!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
The Pay Off
Did you ever wonder "What's in it for me?" I mean everybody thinks about that, right? We all have reasons for the things that we do. The pay off. We only continue to do something for what we get out of it.
Even things that cause us pain, if we continue to do them, there must be some pay off for us in it.
I think the definition of insanity is, doing the same things we've always done and expecting different results.
So... I'm examining what my pay offs are. It's time to do things differently because it's time for different results!
Someone did me a favor recently. It didn't feel like a favor, but it really is. It forces me out of my comfort zone. It forces me to change my way of dealing with life. It's not a bad thing. It changes my circle of "friends", but I must need the challenge.
The best way to get new things into our lives is to create a void. Make a place where a new life can develop. Voila! I have a serious void!
Even things that cause us pain, if we continue to do them, there must be some pay off for us in it.
I think the definition of insanity is, doing the same things we've always done and expecting different results.
So... I'm examining what my pay offs are. It's time to do things differently because it's time for different results!
Someone did me a favor recently. It didn't feel like a favor, but it really is. It forces me out of my comfort zone. It forces me to change my way of dealing with life. It's not a bad thing. It changes my circle of "friends", but I must need the challenge.
The best way to get new things into our lives is to create a void. Make a place where a new life can develop. Voila! I have a serious void!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sunshine
Today was gloomy. It rained and even snowed for a bit. I was busy working and hadn't even noticed until I saw how wet it was outside. I decided that this is my saving grace. When I am busy serving others I am too busy to focus on the gloom around me.
The sun is always shining, it's just above the clouds.
I can't stand myself when I wallow in my own pity party for too long. Time to bask in the sunlight!
The sun is always shining, it's just above the clouds.
I can't stand myself when I wallow in my own pity party for too long. Time to bask in the sunlight!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Bittersweet
Digging open a scar that hasn't healed right, to clean out grit that was left behind, can be so painful.
Loving someone who changes their mind, and leaves, puts such a hole in your heart!
I lack the gene that makes it possible to hate someone. Even if he broke my heart. Seeing him brings all of that love back. I had such hopes for us. For me it was "forever".
We didn't build the foundation to hold us up in the storms, so in the rain we washed away.
Maybe the scar will heal better now.
Loving someone who changes their mind, and leaves, puts such a hole in your heart!
I lack the gene that makes it possible to hate someone. Even if he broke my heart. Seeing him brings all of that love back. I had such hopes for us. For me it was "forever".
We didn't build the foundation to hold us up in the storms, so in the rain we washed away.
Maybe the scar will heal better now.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day one of my Blog...
Have you ever felt so alone that your soul ached? Not for lack of friends, and not for lack of having been blessed in my life, but I feel that alone today.
As I had pointed out to me by a gentleman, just yesterday, I am middle-aged, I have been married more than once, I have raised a family... and I am alone. This was his reason as to why it is okay to enjoy physical intimacy without the benefits of marriage. My values of being married first are antiquated in his opinion, and only apply to young couples these days.
I simply don't see the need to sell myself short.
If I'm not sure enough of a relationship to be married to someone, well, then I'm not sure enough of the relationship to be intimate.
I guess that makes me somewhat of an oddity in this day and age.
I don't know that all of the decisions I've made in my life were the rights ones. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've made some completely wrong ones.
I've hurt people I had no desire to hurt. People I love with all of my heart. I just haven't learned how to let them love me.
Imperfect people love imperfectly. Heavens knows that I am imperfect!
Letting someone in on my feelings and my inner most heartaches hasn't been that easy. Trust has been nearly impossible.
Figuring out my feelings hasn't been that easy either! I just have intense emotions and then it takes me a while to put words to it. Some people do not appreciate that.
Put in a situation where someone wants an answer and they want it NOW, I completely freeze!
Spending my life in emotional cryogenics is not really conducive to a happy relationship with anyone.
In my efforts to share myself with others I have run the gamut from, overwhelming someone with every thought I'm having, to being unable to share anything. All I know is which ever way I went it was the wrong one, with the person I was with. Or so they said.
As I had pointed out to me by a gentleman, just yesterday, I am middle-aged, I have been married more than once, I have raised a family... and I am alone. This was his reason as to why it is okay to enjoy physical intimacy without the benefits of marriage. My values of being married first are antiquated in his opinion, and only apply to young couples these days.
I simply don't see the need to sell myself short.
If I'm not sure enough of a relationship to be married to someone, well, then I'm not sure enough of the relationship to be intimate.
I guess that makes me somewhat of an oddity in this day and age.
I don't know that all of the decisions I've made in my life were the rights ones. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've made some completely wrong ones.
I've hurt people I had no desire to hurt. People I love with all of my heart. I just haven't learned how to let them love me.
Imperfect people love imperfectly. Heavens knows that I am imperfect!
Letting someone in on my feelings and my inner most heartaches hasn't been that easy. Trust has been nearly impossible.
Figuring out my feelings hasn't been that easy either! I just have intense emotions and then it takes me a while to put words to it. Some people do not appreciate that.
Put in a situation where someone wants an answer and they want it NOW, I completely freeze!
Spending my life in emotional cryogenics is not really conducive to a happy relationship with anyone.
In my efforts to share myself with others I have run the gamut from, overwhelming someone with every thought I'm having, to being unable to share anything. All I know is which ever way I went it was the wrong one, with the person I was with. Or so they said.
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