Good Reads!

Saving Ceecee Honeycutt by Beth Hoffman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Ceecee's life has never been easy. Her father is distant, to say the least, leaving her to deal with her eccentric mother. Her mother wears ballgowns in the middle of the street; trying to relive some old glory days. Who and what will rescue Ceecee from this unusual existence, may be the the most difficult, and kindest thing of all.



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Traveling Partners

I just spent 10 days traveling to see my daughter, son-in-law and grandson. Then we travelled to see my son and daughter-in-law. All in all we put over 2,000 miles on my car. It was great!

My grandson is 2 and a half. He decided to call me "Grandfather". Where he got that we may never know. It is going to make a great story to torture him with when he is 15 or 16 though! After that he decided that I am Grammy. I can handle being Grammy!

10 days with my kids brought so much peace to my soul. Stress has been high, but a few days with loved ones and the stress drops exponentially.

It got me thinking about traveling partners. Those we choose to spend our lives with. Do we add to or reduce the stress in each other's lives? Some connections are worth any amount of stress because there is an underlying strength that comes from being with that person.

My daughter has a quote in her home that goes something like: "It doesn't matter where you go in life but those who are beside you that make the journey worthwhile."

Family, loved ones, friends, they all make the journey worthwhile.

Children and Grandchildren

My daughter was here with her husband and son for a few days. Oh the memories it has brought back for me!

Laughing with my daughter over the little things that her little boy does is a blessing! What a joy to share the moments of a grandchild's life! I love that she finds humor in the things that he does and enjoys being a mom.

He is a friendly, content little boy. He's big like his daddy, and his uncles. He laughs a throaty deep laugh when he throws the dog's ball down the stairs. Watching her scramble on the wood floors, to bound after her treasure, tickles his funny bone and sends a belly laugh bursting out. He laughs until he is bent over in throes of mirth.

Even the the sternest of people soften at the sound of a child's laughter. You can't help but laugh with them.

I have saved on my cell phone, a message that my daughter sent me when my grandson was eight months old. It's of him laughing at the sound of her spraying windex. The sound of that baby laughter has brightened many of my days.

I had four children under school age. In looking back I'm sure I looked like the crazy lady who had four pre-schoolers. I wanted my children to have the feeling of siblings. My siblings are all so far from me in age. Their dad was one of nine kids and knew all about having brothers and sisters.

We enjoyed our kids. We had very little money but we were rich in children! He had a relative that had a saying I took to heart, "Every child, a million." He said that we should look at each child as a million dollars. Others might be rich in material things but we were rich in the love of family.

I loved every little experience of watching my children grow! Which isn't to say that I didn't have days of being the "crazy lady". Most days all I did was feed, dress, change diapers, bathe, rock, snuggle, change diapers, put babies down for naps, start over and if I was lucky I got a shower.

As they grew our yard housed bigwheels and then bicycles. The driveway was covered in psychedelic colors from sidewalk chalk. We may not have had the amazing landscaping of our neighbors, but I loved what we had instead... children who laughed and played.

Creating a void

In order to bring something good into my life I am creating a void... a place for the new to come in to.

I feel such a calm and tranquil peace at my center.

Changing the pattern that a person ingrains into their life can be disconcerting, but this feels so right.

Spring air is blowing through my house, and through my life. It is nice to air out the stagnant corners of existence. Sweep out the cobwebs and shine the windows. Reprioritize the things that matter.

Something great is coming I can feel it!

The Pay Off

Did you ever wonder "What's in it for me?" I mean everybody thinks about that, right? We all have reasons for the things that we do. The pay off. We only continue to do something for what we get out of it.
Even things that cause us pain, if we continue to do them, there must be some pay off for us in it.

I think the definition of insanity is, doing the same things we've always done and expecting different results.

So... I'm examining what my pay offs are. It's time to do things differently because it's time for different results!

Someone did me a favor recently. It didn't feel like a favor, but it really is. It forces me out of my comfort zone. It forces me to change my way of dealing with life. It's not a bad thing. It changes my circle of "friends", but I must need the challenge.

The best way to get new things into our lives is to create a void. Make a place where a new life can develop. Voila! I have a serious void!

Sunshine

Today was gloomy. It rained and even snowed for a bit. I was busy working and hadn't even noticed until I saw how wet it was outside. I decided that this is my saving grace. When I am busy serving others I am too busy to focus on the gloom around me.

The sun is always shining, it's just above the clouds.

I can't stand myself when I wallow in my own pity party for too long. Time to bask in the sunlight!

Bittersweet

Digging open a scar that hasn't healed right, to clean out grit that was left behind, can be so painful.

Loving someone who changes their mind, and leaves, puts such a hole in your heart!

I lack the gene that makes it possible to hate someone. Even if he broke my heart. Seeing him brings all of that love back. I had such hopes for us. For me it was "forever".

We didn't build the foundation to hold us up in the storms, so in the rain we washed away.

Maybe the scar will heal better now.

Day one of my Blog...

Have you ever felt so alone that your soul ached? Not for lack of friends, and not for lack of having been blessed in my life, but I feel that alone today.

As I had pointed out to me by a gentleman, just yesterday, I am middle-aged, I have been married more than once, I have raised a family... and I am alone. This was his reason as to why it is okay to enjoy physical intimacy without the benefits of marriage. My values of being married first are antiquated in his opinion, and only apply to young couples these days.

I simply don't see the need to sell myself short.

If I'm not sure enough of a relationship to be married to someone, well, then I'm not sure enough of the relationship to be intimate.

I guess that makes me somewhat of an oddity in this day and age.

I don't know that all of the decisions I've made in my life were the rights ones. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've made some completely wrong ones.

I've hurt people I had no desire to hurt. People I love with all of my heart. I just haven't learned how to let them love me.

Imperfect people love imperfectly. Heavens knows that I am imperfect!

Letting someone in on my feelings and my inner most heartaches hasn't been that easy. Trust has been nearly impossible.

Figuring out my feelings hasn't been that easy either! I just have intense emotions and then it takes me a while to put words to it. Some people do not appreciate that.

Put in a situation where someone wants an answer and they want it NOW, I completely freeze!

Spending my life in emotional cryogenics is not really conducive to a happy relationship with anyone.

In my efforts to share myself with others I have run the gamut from, overwhelming someone with every thought I'm having, to being unable to share anything. All I know is which ever way I went it was the wrong one, with the person I was with. Or so they said.